This is my first article in a new series of self-improvement and financial advice. Because of the recession and everyone is trying to save money, I brainstormed several ways to economically survive the recession without compromising fun. Most of these ideas came to me either during the last couple years of frugal spending or non-spending, and also reflecting back on the college days. I hope these suggestions provide ideas for your recessionary budget. Now go out there and become THAT guy. Everybody knows THAT guy, so this time it's you!
1. Conveniently forget your wallet. When I showed up with friends for dinner and a movie and I had left my wallet at home, I received a free meal and a free movie. Hmmmm, what if I forget my wallet all the time? Perfect!!
2. Go to parties, but never host a party. Parties and barbecues are expensive. Plus look at all the planning time. You have to shop, decide what food to purchase and get the house or apartment ready to host. Why go through all that trouble when you can simply be invited to a party. Just be funny and don't complain about things. No one wants to invite that person. But if you have a good personality and can be silly and the life of the party, then you have it made.
3. Get the 24 hour flu. When you're sick people want to help. Soup, caserole, fast food are all ways that your friends show that they care and want to help out. Send out a mass text to your caring friends when you're at work, "lying home in bed, tired, and burning up from fever. Boy a Wendy's baconator and large fries with a Coke sounds awesome! Prob sleeping till after your work. Hit me up later."
4. Don't ever be the driver. When you're going someplace or especially on a road trip, don't be stuck taking the lead. Your car can always be messy and in need of repairs. "I can't take my car out of town I just don't know when it's going to die in the middle of the freeway. I'd hate for you guys to be in a position like that." Or tell them that you will drive and you just received the Time/Life CD set of AM Gold. "It's okay dude, I'll drive. I have an Ipod." Now you're off the hook. If they ask you to pitch in for gas...."oh did I forget my wallet again?"
5. Find a roommate who cooks. If you are single, you need to find a roommate who cooks and likes to share. It's a perfect setup. "Hey that chicken and rice you cooked the other day is amazing. When are you making that again?" Chefs want to be complimented. If you are not single you can still open your house to a complete stranger who has been relocated because of a foreclosure of some other economic hardship. Move the kids into a room to create space for your new cooking friend.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
McCain Accuses Illegal Canadians of Stealing Cement Mixer
PHOENIX– Arizona Senator John McCain, an outspoken critic of illegal immigration, is claiming illegal immigrants of stealing his cement mixer. McCain has recently come under fire for stating that the current Arizona wildfires have been caused by illegal immigrants. “My cement mixer is missing from one of my eight houses and I don’t recall letting a neighbor borrow it. I know that Canadians who are here in the States illegally are constantly looking for concrete construction work. It’s simply work that Americans just won’t do.”
McCain reportedly came home to Phoenix from Washington D.C. during a recent weekend and wanted to expand one of his backyard patios by adding additional concrete. “I heard him storm into the house,” reported his wife Cindy, “and he started into his all too common tirade of the illegals taking his stuff. First it was the bird feeders, then the rain gutters. I keep telling him we don’t have rain gutters on the house because we live in Arizona.”
“Build a fence, John! I keep telling him,” commented Cindy. “Why do we go through this brain damage every time he comes home? Just build a fence to keep the illegals out. But then he complains about the cost and the perception of the neighbors that he is not nice to Canadians.” Investigative research confrims that several Canadians investors have purchased homes in his Phoenix upscale Biltmore neighborhood. "How intersting is it that a few Canadians move into the neighborhood and suddenly my cement mixer goes missing," stated McCain. "I'm not saying that they did it, but who else would? Besides, isn't it always too cold to pour cement in Canada? No wonder they want one here in Arizona."
“At first I tried to ignore the problem, but I noticed that my gardening tools were slowly missing. First it was the rake, then a leaf blower, next thing it was my cement mixer. I asked my gardener Jose and he didn’t know where they went. I asked my guard Filipe and he hadn’t seen anyone come over the property line,” stated McCain. “I know it’s those Canadians. They want my stuff because they can’t get it in their country.”
"Senior, it's the Canadians," mentioned his landscaper Jose. "The ones who aren't suppposed to be here."
McCain reportedly came home to Phoenix from Washington D.C. during a recent weekend and wanted to expand one of his backyard patios by adding additional concrete. “I heard him storm into the house,” reported his wife Cindy, “and he started into his all too common tirade of the illegals taking his stuff. First it was the bird feeders, then the rain gutters. I keep telling him we don’t have rain gutters on the house because we live in Arizona.”
“Build a fence, John! I keep telling him,” commented Cindy. “Why do we go through this brain damage every time he comes home? Just build a fence to keep the illegals out. But then he complains about the cost and the perception of the neighbors that he is not nice to Canadians.” Investigative research confrims that several Canadians investors have purchased homes in his Phoenix upscale Biltmore neighborhood. "How intersting is it that a few Canadians move into the neighborhood and suddenly my cement mixer goes missing," stated McCain. "I'm not saying that they did it, but who else would? Besides, isn't it always too cold to pour cement in Canada? No wonder they want one here in Arizona."
“At first I tried to ignore the problem, but I noticed that my gardening tools were slowly missing. First it was the rake, then a leaf blower, next thing it was my cement mixer. I asked my gardener Jose and he didn’t know where they went. I asked my guard Filipe and he hadn’t seen anyone come over the property line,” stated McCain. “I know it’s those Canadians. They want my stuff because they can’t get it in their country.”
"Senior, it's the Canadians," mentioned his landscaper Jose. "The ones who aren't suppposed to be here."
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