Drunken Sailors Demand Trump Apology

ASTORIA, OR -- The United Brotherhood of Drunker Sailors publicly demanded an apology from presidential candidate Donald Trump for comments he made on NBC’s Today Show this week. Trump likened the out of control spending of the U.S. Federal Government to that of a “drunken sailor.”

“We are united as drunker sailors and take offense to the comments made by Mr. Trump. We demand he apologizes to all drunken sailors in the country and recognize the good that we do,” stated the Union’s spokesman Caleb Wakefield. The statement was concluded with a celebratory toast of whiskey and bourbon and cheering by a crowd of local drunken sailors. “They spent very well tonight,” commented Nick McHenry, owner of the local McHenry’s Tavern in Astoria. “I guess you could say they spent like drunken sailors.”

The Trump campaign did not issue an apology but instead challenged the drunker sailors. “If you want me to apologize, then you can talk to Rosie,” said Trump referring to his long standing feud with Rosie O’donnell. Trump has researched campaign donations to show that the Brotherhood of Drunken Sailors has donated thousands of dollars to Democratic candidates, including Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. The Sailors have officially discounted this claim stating that they have donated to the campaign of Harry Reed, city councilman in Dutch Harbor, Alaska and also a Drunken Sailor.

There are instances of the Drunken Sailors spending more money than intended. During a fund raising event at Seattle’s Seaside Fish Grotto and Biker Bar last year, the chairman of the Drunken Sailors accidentally donated $250,000 to the Ronald McDonald House instead of the intended $25,000. “I guess when I’m lit up, I tend to add additional zeros to the checks I write,” stated Wes Wilson. “We are very involved in fundraising and in the community, but it’s unfortunate and embarrassing when a check bounces.”