McCain Accuses Illegal Canadians of Stealing Cement Mixer

PHOENIX– Arizona Senator John McCain, an outspoken critic of illegal immigration, is claiming illegal immigrants of stealing his cement mixer. McCain has recently come under fire for stating that the current Arizona wildfires have been caused by illegal immigrants. “My cement mixer is missing from one of my eight houses and I don’t recall letting a neighbor borrow it. I know that Canadians who are here in the States illegally are constantly looking for concrete construction work. It’s simply work that Americans just won’t do.”


McCain reportedly came home to Phoenix from Washington D.C. during a recent weekend and wanted to expand one of his backyard patios by adding additional concrete. “I heard him storm into the house,” reported his wife Cindy, “and he started into his all too common tirade of the illegals taking his stuff. First it was the bird feeders, then the rain gutters. I keep telling him we don’t have rain gutters on the house because we live in Arizona.”


“Build a fence, John! I keep telling him,” commented Cindy. “Why do we go through this brain damage every time he comes home? Just build a fence to keep the illegals out. But then he complains about the cost and the perception of the neighbors that he is not nice to Canadians.” Investigative research confrims that several Canadians investors have purchased homes in his Phoenix upscale Biltmore neighborhood. "How intersting is it that a few Canadians move into the neighborhood and suddenly my cement mixer goes missing," stated McCain. "I'm not saying that they did it, but who else would? Besides, isn't it always too cold to pour cement in Canada? No wonder they want one here in Arizona."


“At first I tried to ignore the problem, but I noticed that my gardening tools were slowly missing. First it was the rake, then a leaf blower, next thing it was my cement mixer. I asked my gardener Jose and he didn’t know where they went. I asked my guard Filipe and he hadn’t seen anyone come over the property line,” stated McCain. “I know it’s those Canadians. They want my stuff because they can’t get it in their country.”

"Senior, it's the Canadians," mentioned his landscaper Jose. "The ones who aren't suppposed to be here."